Miscarriage can cause the most devastating and debilitating feelings. It is a grief unlike any other: a loss of the future rather than of the past; often unrecognised, minimised, or completely unseen by others.

The physical process of miscarriage can also be very traumatic. It might feel too personal or too difficult to talk about even with a close friend or family member, yet it may be really important to share your experience with someone.

You might feel a pressure to ‘move on’ after a miscarriage, long before you’re able or willing to do so. Social and societal assumptions around miscarriage can be unhelpful and hurtful. A fear of overburdening others, or a frustration at not feeling understood, might make you reluctant to talk about your sense of loss and thus to feel alone in it.

​

A miscarriage before 12 weeks may mean that very few people, if indeed anyone, knew that you were actually pregnant. This can bring about a dilemma in addition to what you’re already dealing with: to disclose your loss and have the opportunity to be supported, or to keep it private and cope, the strain of your survival mode completely unseen.

Partners also need a space to process pregnancy loss. Your experience and loss are equally valid and important. Wishing to support her, you might quickly be immersed in daily practicalities but it’s important for you, too, to have time to grieve.​